


lost and found (or the story of a runaway and an almost-drunk)

by idkmandestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bobby is a grouch but what's new, Castiel & Charlie Bradbury Friendship, Dark Past, Dean and Cas are messes, Dean has an obsession with the metaphorical interference of the Universe, F/F, F/M, Fandom Allusions & Cliches & References, First POV, Fluff and Angst, Internal Conflict, Jo and Charlie are the bomb.com, Lots of sarcasm, M/M, Mechanic Dean, References To FRIENDS, Slow Build, Young Adults, but he's dead so, lots of banter, lots of cute, no one likes Star Wars, previously abused cas, runaway!castiel, sugar daddy jokes, they all ship Steve/Bucky, whatever that means
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 01:39:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2210853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkmandestiel/pseuds/idkmandestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After escaping his abusive father in Boston, Cas Novak runs away to a small town in Cape May, where he finds himself amongst new friends, markets and a mysterious guy named Dean Winchester. Cas is determined to keep a low profile, have a few friends and then skip town and start again. But friendship, home and love may lead him on a different path- a path that might include risk and heartbreak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. beginning (again)

**Author's Note:**

> hey motherfuckers, sometimes I write a lot and sometimes for long periods of time I forget this exist. but ya know, whatever.

The door creaked as I opened it, and slammed behind me when I let it go. The house was old, dusty and empty, but it was just what I needed. The seller said there was a bed upstairs, with a Queen-sized mattress laying on it ready to be slept on. The house had a few things- old furniture, a working heater and conditioner and quietness. I walked further in, testing out each step; the floor quietly creaked with each step, but nothing broke or moved without me doing anything to cause it to.

With me, I had a duffel bag filled with some clothes, books and money, and some sheets and pillows in a bag from a store a couple states over. I went up the stairs, which creaked like the rest of the house, and turned left into the room with the bed. There was a bedside table, a closet, a desk and of course, the promised bed. I put my stuff down and got to work. I had to cover my bed with the sheet, which was soft and welcoming under my touch. I had two pillows, which I covered with the designated pillow covers and tossed on the bed. 

I unpacked my duffel bag. Clothes were in the closet, and my books piled neatly on my desk. I put Of Mice And Men on my bedside table, and I hid my money in a little crevice under the bed. 

That was it.

Running away has its perks- a light load is one of them. I had to take what I needed, and give up everything else I collected throughout my life back at home. Boston was everything I despised in my life, so... everything. My family, broken and torn apart my beliefs, my friends, who turned against my way of living. Everything was just wrong, and after a while, you break.

My break was two months ago, after having been abused once again by my father. I pulled the duffel bag- prepared for years now- from under my bed, stole money from my parents, and left. I suppose it wasn't too bad of a break, considering I saw it coming and I was very much prepared. Being twenty, forced to live in my parent's home and abused, I saw it fit to run away. Cape May has always been my getaway. I came here once when I was a kid, and my dream was to stay here forever. So when I planned to run away, it seemed right to come here, and start a new life here.

The only person that knew anything was my brother, Gabe. He ran away from the family a few years before me, and went to culinary school in Florida. He and I talk every once in a while, and he knows where I am now. He likes to keep tabs on me, and I like to know that I still have someone in my life. But otherwise than that, I’m alone.

And I’m hungry. I grab a twenty and leave the house, and walk down the streets. Cape May was breath-taking. Everything was just so simple; the sky was pink and purple, the wind was soft and warm, the stores and houses were colorful and elegant. Next door to me is a little bakery, which makes me think of Gabe. The street ends, and it turns into a Main Street- stores and markets, paved sidewalks and flowers in every pot. A candy store, ice cream shoppe, jewelry place and a market are down the block. I take my time looking through the windows, taking in each thing on display. The market has general food, so I step in.

Fruits, vegetables, fresh baked goods, meat, cheese… I had to pick up my food. I go up to the meat place, which is arranged behind a glass with salads and cold cuts on display.

“Hiya hun, what can I do for ya?” a voice behind the glass display calls out. I look up to see a woman with dimples and shoulder length brown hair tied back lightly, who seems to be looking directly at me.

I stammer. “Uh-I… um, me?”

“No one else around. I’m Ellen, I run the market. It’s a quiet day so I’m just helpin’ around. What’s your name?” she asks.

I panic. I planned on keeping a private life around here. “Why? Is someone asking for me? I’m just here-”

“Ma, you can’t see this one is a runaway?” a voice behind me asks.

“Jo, honey. You can’t just say these things, it is rude. Besides-”

“Mom, he’s pale, and I’ve never seen him around. He is a runaway,” a blonde girl is now standing in front of me, leaning against the glass. Jo-apparently- runs her hand through her hair and chuckles.

“What makes you think I’m a runaway?” I ask, out of curiosity. 

“Around here, either you’ve been here forever, and your family owned some land or a boat, or you escaped and ran away here,” says Jo, as-a-matter-of-factly.

“Not sayin’ I agree with Joanna about who ya are, but it is true. Back in the old days, folks ‘round here used to call this place the Lost and Found. After the war, teenage boys came here and started a new life. Every runaway escaped to here. Of course, not anymore,” she says, and she comes out from behind the glass. “Nowadays, people disappear in the Big Apple.”

“No one questions who you are or where you came from in New York City,” Jo added.

“Every once in a while we get a runaway now, but recently, none whatsoever. I guess you could call this place the Rotten Apple,” said Ellen, and she put her hands on her hips.

Jo leaned in to whisper in my ear, “Guarantee she’s been saving tha’ one since the last runaway,” and chuckles.  
“Now, choose wisely. Once you say a name, that’s who ya are ‘round here. Eventually everyone will know who ya are,” says Ellen, and she goes back behind the glass display.

“Thought you said you didn’t think he was a runaway, mom,” says Jo, and her mother lightly whacks her shoulder.

“M’not saying anything, I’m just giving him a choice.”

I ponder for a few moments. My name is Castiel, so anyone asking around for someone named Castiel will find me in the blink of an eye- not one of the perks of being a runaway. But, I didn’t want an alias, I wanted to be me.

“Call me Cas,” I stated, and Jo smiled and slapped my shoulder.

“I think you’ll do just fine around here, Cassie,” she said with a smirk, and turned around and walked away as she winked at me.

Ellen chuckled as she watched her daughter walk away. “That sassy mouth will bite her in the ass one day, I’m tellin’ ya from now.” I laughed and smiled at Ellen.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs.-”

“Now, don’t go calling me some dumbass proper name. It’s Ellen Harvelle, but Ellen will do just fine,” she retorted, scolding me. “Alright Cas, whatcha want from here?” 

“Half a pound of bologna, quarter of turkey pastrami, and a container of… ah… coleslaw, please,” I requested, and Ellen went right to work. I walked out twenty minutes later with Ellen and Jo’s home phone number and a request to ‘come on by anytime, we’re not busy ‘round her much,’ although I am pretty sure it was a command. Also, five paper bags in my hand filled with food to last me for weeks, it looks like.

That night, I woke up in my bed screaming from a nightmare, and couldn’t go back to sleep. I sat in bed and stared at the ceiling until the sun came up.

\---

Two days after settling in Cape May, I searched for a job of my liking. I went to the local antique shop, but they had no openings. I checked the bakery, pet store and candy shoppe, but nothing came up. After a day of searching and hopelessly failing, late afternoon came and I walked into Harvelle Market in search for the eccentric mother and daughter’s advice. 

“Joanna Beth Harvelle, if you don’t get off the goddamn counter I will take away your nunchucks again, missy-”

“Mom, you can’t tell me what to do, I’m an adult now,” I heard Jo’s voice from around the corner, snarky and sarcastic as I walk in the empty market.

“Jo, God dammit, there is food on the counter, and I’m not lettin’ customers pay-”

“Hah! Customers, that’s real cute mom, really,” Jo interrupted. “Fine, fine, I’ll get down, your majesty. Don’t say I never did nothin’ for ya,” and I heard a thump as she landed on her two feet to the ground. I walked in further to see Ellen standing in front of some boxes, and Jo chuckling as her mother rolled her eyes. Jo spotted me and smiled.

“Hey, Cassie,” she waved, and walked over to a cashier and leaned on it casually.

“Joanna, you have to help me unload these boxes-”

“Oh, mom, take a break. No one’s comin’ around here anyway,” remarked Jo. “Let’s talk to new-boy over here instead-”

“If I’m interrupting, I can go-” I started to say, but I got a truly terrifying death stare from Jo, and since nunchucks were said to be in her possession, I shut my mouth.

Ellen gave Jo a look, ‘You’re lucky I like Cas, otherwise you’d be assigned to morning shift for a week.” Jo smiled at me and winked. I walked more forward and went to where Jo and Ellen were hanging out.

“Uh- hi… I’m sorry-”

“It’s kinda cute how nervous you are, Cassie. Just talk, dude,” Jo interrupted, and smirked at me. 

“Right. So today I went searching for a job, and couldn’t really find anything of my liking- let alone someone who will hire me,” I said, and looked up anxiously at Ellen and Jo.

“Well, I could use some help around here- if that’s what you’re asking for?” suggested Ellen. The thought of working here hadn’t even occurred to me, but it didn’t sound bad.

“Actually, no. The idea hadn’t occurred to me. I would love it, but please don’t feel forced to hire me- I… I mean, I don’t want to be a burden on you-”

“Cas, I’m going to keep interrupting you until you understand- you are not a burden,” Jo said, and crossed her arms.

“But I-”  
“Ah, nope,” said Ellen, and smiled.

“Are you sure, I know it’s a big-”

“Shhh, no one cares,” said Jo, and she patted me on the back.

“Cas, you’re working here. But, this can be temporary if you’d like,” suggested Ellen, and she walked towards me. “There is a library two blocks away from here, and if you volunteer long enough, I’m sure they’ll hire you,” she said with a smile.

“Yeah, you seem like a big enough nerd to want to work in a library,” retorted Jo, who was once again sitting on the counter casually. I shot her a dirty look, but she only playfully stuck her tongue out at me. 

“Perhaps I’ll go check it out tomorrow,” I said with a smile. 

\---

Life became routine. 

Around 3-4 AM, I would wake up from my nightmare, and eventually I would get up and go for a run. Then I would work with Jo from seven to noon, and then the library until closing. I would go home, eat dinner and sleep. 

Life was peaceful, simple and quiet. 

“Hey, Cas!” Jo called from the other side of the market. I turned around to see Jo standing with a tall, redheaded girl with a graphic t-shirt and jeans. “C’mere, c’mere.”

“Wha- Jo, I’m stacking boxes here, you- I insist you wait a moment-”

“Caaaaaas, come here!” Jo insisted, and I heard feet hitting the floor and then felt a poke at my butt, and then someone- well, Jo- wrap her arms around my torso and squeezed.

“Okay, alright! I’m coming, just give me a moment,” I insisted, and Jo let go of me. I put down the boxes and walked over to where Jo and the stranger were standing. The redheaded girl looked at me intensely, and then smiled.

“Hi! I’m Charlie,” she said with hand out, and I shook it. “Jo said you were new in town, and that you and I might get along. She and I went to school together.”

“Only Charlie managed to go to college, and I’m stuck here helping my mother in a stupid market. It’s-”

“And you best not complain missy, I can still take those nun chucks from you,” Ellen half-shouted from the back room. Jo made a face, and Charlie rolled her eyes. 

“It’s nice to meet you Charlie, Jo has mentioned you a few times,” I said, and Charlie beamed.

“You like Star Trek.”

It wasn’t a question, it was a statement- which, coincidently, was true.

“Um- actually, I-uh, y-yes, I do-”

“I know, I wasn’t asking. You kind of seemed like the type, and you remind me of Spock- no offense,” Charlie said, and squinted at me some more. “You stutter a lot, but you’re intelligent.”

“Alright Sherlock, I’ll leave you at it,” Jo chirped in, and patted both of us. “I’m gonna help the boss do some shit, you guys have fun,” she added, and walked away.

“Star Trek, huh? Not bad, Cas… I like your taste,” she commented, and I smiled at her. “Oh…”

I stopped for a moment. Oh? What does that mean, ‘Oh’? “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?” I asked, and Charlie leaned against a counter and pondered for a moment.

“You don’t like Jo- I mean you do, as friends, but nothing more.”

I stared at her for what seemed like a year. “Charlie, where are you getting these ideas from?” 

“So, then you don’t like her?” she asked, and I shook my head. “So you like men, then.”

Again, not a question. “Just because I don’t like Jo, doesn’t mean I don’t like women in general, if that’s what you’re saying-”

“So, you’re straight then?” Charlie asked, seriously.

“Well-no, I’m not… but I don’t get-” I stopped. Charlie was looking at me with a smug smile on her face, and I knew from then on, I made a friend.


	2. people's stupidity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii!
> 
> Alright you can yell at me, I know I haven't posted in a long time. But I am back, and I am sick so that means a shitload of free time, yay. Anyway, this chapter is quite short, but I feel it has enough to suffice as a chapter. I will be posting soon, maybe even tonight, so be on the lookout my lovelies. :)

Charlie, Jo and I would hang out everyday after Jo and I finished work.We would go to this little cafe down the street from the market, order some coffee and sit around and talk. Jo and I would constantly talk during work, and Charlie and I always hung out at her apartment after I finished my shift at the library. It was unspoken, but we became best friends. 

Even with the new friends I had made, my life was strikingly similar. Before, I would sit alone, but now I would sit with friends. I still had the nightmares, I still ran, I still worked- I still remained quiet. But now, I had friends I could be quiet alongside with. 

The nightmares started like this; I would be walking in darkness, and then I was running. For no reason in particular, I was running through the darkness. And soon, someone would be chasing me- sometimes my father, sometimes my old friends. Mostly my father. And after running for what seems like an eternity, I would come to a wall. This wall couldn’t be broken. And now, my father was standing in front of me, his sickly smile on his face and his eyes directly on mine.

And flames rose, water overtook, wind blew as he would hit me and punch, and I would scream. Oh, I would scream so very loud. But no one heard.

\---  
“Cas, lend me a hand here,” Ellen called from the back room, and I jogged to the door to see her with her hands occupied with boxes of snack bags, and her body holding up a bunch of falling things.

“Ah... shall I take the boxes out- oh, well that’s not going to work,” the boxes fell out of her hands to the floor. I picked them up, and-

“Oh, shit,” the contents began to spill out of Ellen’s hands. “Okay, Cas, just go and unpack those snacks, I’ll be fine over here.”

“Ellen, it’s-” I started, but Ellen gave me a look and I remembered that she is Jo’s mother, so I carried the boxes out of the room and started walking towards the snack aisle. The boxes were piled high in my arms, and it was hard for me to maneuver my legs when I didn’t know where I was. And then-

I bumped into something, and the boxes went flying everywhere with the snacks scattered all over the floor. I was sitting on the floor after being shocked by what happened, and I noticed that it wasn’t a wall I bumped into, it was a person.

“Ah, shit. I’m sorry, man, let me help you out.”

Green eyes bore down on me, and a man with freckles and light brown hair and a beautiful smile was standing above me.

“Um-uh, no. It’s okay, I-I got it,” I began, but this man just got on the floor and began gathering the scattered snack bags and putting them back in the boxes. I went on my knees and did the same, my face turning red at the idea of a stranger helping me. Once all of the snacks were back in the boxes, I got up and started piling them in my hands, and the stranger was staring at me with an odd look.

“Uh… I am so sorry, did you need something?” I asked, realizing that this was in fact a customer I was talking to. The man blinked and smiled, grabbed the last few boxes on the floor.

“Lead the way,” he said, and I did. We walked a couple of aisles down until we reached the right one, and I put down the boxes in my hand. The stranger did the same thing, and once again, was staring at me. So I did what any person would do; I stared right back.

The stranger cleared his throat. “Sorry about that, wasn’t really concentrating while I was walkin’ around.”

“Oh, it wasn’t your fault, I had a ton of boxes in my hand. I was completely irresponsible,” I said, my throat dry and scratched up from how nervous I was. 

“Let’s just drop the fault thing goin’ on,” he said with a smile. “I’m Dean, nice t’ meet you, kinda.”

“I’m Cast- Cas, uh, nice to meet you too,” I said, and my face became hot and my hands started to sweat. Dean looked at me intently as I spoke, and when I was finished, cocked his head to the side and gave me a look… a not-so-good look.

“Cas… what’s that short for?”

My heart thumped loudly in my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. I looked down to the floor, avoiding the stranger's gaze. What seemed to be an eternity ended when I looked back up, and saw kindness in this man’s eyes.

“It is short for Castiel, but I much prefer Cas, to avoid any mispronunciation,” I said, and looked anywhere but in his eyes.

“Castiel… that name is biblical, Castiel was an Angel, right?” Dean asked, and I perked up. No one ever knew who Castiel was, let alone the origins of the name. “You prob’ly came from a religious family or somethin’ like that.”

I was shocked about how blunt this man was, but didn’t turn away. I looked at him and smiled, “Yes, Castiel was an angel.” I picked up the boxes on the ground and began unpacking them, doing what I was told. A minute had passed, and I was back on track, and thought I was alone. But, I turn to see the stranger still standing in the same aisle, in the same spot with the same look on his face.

“Uh… right, let me see what I can do to help you,” I said, busying myself so that he wouldn’t sense my nervousness. “What is it you needed me for?”

Dean looked at me once more, “I was looking for something, but I’m fine now,” and it seemed those words had finality to them, so I turned away and began to unpack the rest of the boxes’ contents.

“I haven’t seen you before- around here, to say the least.”

Dean’s voice came out rough, so I turned and saw curiosity in his eyes. “I mean, I’m close with Ellen and Jo-they’re family to me- and I know everyone ‘round here. I’ve never seen you before.” Dean spoke once more, and my hands were sweaty and my heart was beating fast.

“I’m Cas, and that’s all you need to know about me. Now unless you need my help, as that is the reason I work here, I have work to do,” I said. I couldn’t- no, I would never be able to- let people know who I am. This was a stop, merely a simple break from constant running. Jo, Ellen and Charlie knew what I had let them know, and they accepted that. This man knew more than they did, and I couldn’t let him think he could know more.

Dean had a shocked look on his face, but he turned around and walked away without another word spoken. I was able to breathe again, and my fists unclenched- I hadn’t even known they were clenched- and my heart slowed down. The stranger’s footsteps were loud in the quiet store, and they seemed further away now.

Just as I began to work again, I heard the footsteps stop, and then they seemed to be coming closer and closer when-

“Castiel is an awesome name, I don’t think you should shorten it because of other’s stupidity.”

I turned and saw him standing there, looking at me intently with his bright green eyes. He couldn’t have been more than twenty one years old, but his eyes were tired, despite their color. He had a plain dark red t-shirt on, with worn up jeans set low on his hips. He was… breathtakingly beautiful, even with no effort. 

Every muscle in my body was aching to know him, my heart wanted it… but my brain kept on saying repeatedly not to pursue anything. My stomach was churning as he looked into my eyes, but I stood straight up and smiled politely. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, Dean.”


	3. romantics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dONT YELL AT ME IM SORRY FOR NOt POSTING OK!!1! anywaysss its mayla hey! and here is chapter three, enjoy xx

The leaves began to change colors, from a bright green to a dark green to what began to what made me feel like it was fall. Cape May is beautiful at all times during the year, but now, it is breathtaking. The leaves constantly shake with the breeze, and shimmer in the light of the sun. Bakeries began displaying Halloween pastries, and pumpkins became the thing of the season. The air became lighter, and the nights come earlier. Everything was peaceful.

It’s hard to believe I’ve been here for about two months, because honestly, from the moment I got here nothing has changed. I began to find my place, I made my friends, I was offered a job at the library. The walls of my house became familiar to me, and I knew each creak of the stairs by heart. It became home.

“Hey Cas, what are you gonna be doin’ for Halloween?” Jo asked, as she passed me and dragged her hand lightly across the back of my neck.

“Um, that would be the thirty first, so I will be working and then I have a shift at the library for, uh, quote unquote, ‘Spooky Night,’” I answered back, as I scratched the back of the neck where Jo had touched me. It felt strange to have someone touch me without the intention of hurting me. 

Jo turned around from where she was standing and looked at me with a strange look, but smiled. “That’s cute, Cas, but I meant like Halloween night,” she looked at me intently, waiting for an answer, but I had no answer for her. “Ya know, like a party or trick or treating… somethin’ fun, for a change.” 

“I hadn’t planned on doing anything of that sort.”

Jo gave me a look, and I knew that my plans were about to change.

\---

Later that day, I felt a finger poke my lower back, “Hey, you.” I turned around with a box of cartons of fruit in my hands and Charlie and Jo were standing in front of me, both out of work clothes and annoyed looks on their faces.

“Cas, you were finished with your shift an hour ago,” Jo retorted, and grabbed the box out of my hand. “C’mon, you need to get out or something.” She pulled off my vest, all meanwhile I protested and Charlie giggled as she messed up my neatly-parted hair.

“Cas-just stop resisting-you need a-hey!” I grabbed Charlie’s hand and threw it to the side. “Oh, now you’re fighting back?”

Ten minutes later, I had a bruise on my leg and my hair was messed up, and I stood outside the market with both girls besides me. Apparently, we were “going out of town for dinner so you have to go home and look pretty and we’ll come to you in an hour so be ready- and no you don’t have a choice.”

So, an hour later I was fresh out of the shower in a white t-shirt and jeans, waiting at the door for a sign of the two girls. Everything felt sort of… okay. I wasn’t excited to go out to a place I wasn’t familiar with, but I would be with Charlie and Jo, and I trusted them. Which goes against everything I stood for, but I trusted them.

The air was cooler than usual, now that the summer was fading away. Charlie told me that around here, the winters were magical. The snow that fell and covered the surface would only be the beginning. Everyone would gather for Thanksgiving and have the Fall Festival, and celebrate the coming of the winter. It all sounded like a dream, and it all had a semblance of a trick. Because that was my life; if anything good comes, it just leads to bad. That’s what happened every time- with my dad’s remarriage, with realizing who I am and with Balthazar.

Balthazar. He hasn’t crossed my mind in these last few months- mostly because I put him way back in my mind, under a buried rock in the sand. It’s funny, though, because hiding things won’t make them go away, and he is one of the many examples in my life that prove that. Also that people fuck you up; they take your heart and learn all your secrets, only to crush it into pieces and leave you broken and alone. Balthazar did that. He found me, fixed me and told me everything would be okay, and then screwed me over. And, then everything changed.

People found out. My dad found out and started beating me again. And then the bruises became not only physical, but mental as well. People say that the people you don’t know will fuck you over, but I know the truth- I know it is the people who know you inside and out. They’re the ones who fuck you up.

The cold air was now hitting me hard, and I sat down on the steps to my door and rubbed my arms, waiting patiently for Charlie and Jo to show up. A few minutes later, a small yellow car pulled up in my driveway with Jo’s head sticking out the window.

“Hey, Cassie!” I saw her smile and I smiled back. Sure, trusting people would fuck me over, but with her, I really didn’t care. She was a friend, and everyone needs a friend. “You clean up nice, Cas.” I grinned, and got up and walked to the car door and slide into the seat.

“Hey Cas, hope you don’t mind music,” Charlie had a sly smile on her face as she turned up the car radio. Loud, pop music was playing- not the kind I would’ve normally liked, but when we started driving out of town and into the city and the sun started setting behind tall buildings, I decided that the music wasn’t so bad.

\---

I watched the sky turn pink to purple to dark blue as Charlie and Jo talked in loud voices. I wasn’t really listening in, but occasionally I heard my name and answered whatever they said. They said the car ride would be about an hour, and I didn’t mind. I liked car rides; when I was a kid, whenever my mother couldn’t put to sleep, she would take me out to the car and the vibration of the car on the road and the soft music would make me go to sleep. When my mother died, I wasn’t able to sleep for days on end. To this day, I still can never really sleep. 

“Yeah? I don’t know, last time I spoke to Dean was a few days ago,” I heard Jo talking to Charlie. “He’s been better, but ever since Sam left to Stanford he’s been a lot quieter.”

They must be talking about the Dean I met; he had said that he was close to Jo and Ellen, but I didn’t know he knew Charlie. Well, it didn’t matter anyway, I met him once and he probably thinks I’m a dick.

“Poor kids been holed up at Bobby's for months now since John died and Sam left,” Jo continued. “My mom’s been urging him to go to school or some shit, but his loyalty’s all on Cape May an’ Bobby.”

Charlie had lowered the music a while back, and listened intently to Jo as she spoke. “I don’t know, Jo. He’s been fine whenever I speak to him.” Jo snorted at this. “I’m serious! Listen, the guy’s had a messed up life, but he’s handling it well. With John gone and all, he’s been more open about himself and-”

“How the fuck is he okay? Sure, now he’s openly gay and shit,” Charlie started to protest, but Jo continued. “I know, that’s good and whatever, but honestly that’s the least of his problems.” Charlie sighed and stopped arguing, but Jo wasn’t done. “Listen, I hate to break it to you, I know he’s like our brother, but the dude’s fucked up,” and Charlie sighed. “I know- but he’s not getting help, and us pretending like he is, and talking about it won’t do anything.”

Charlie sighed again, and ran her hands through her bright hair. “I just want him to be happy, one day.” Jo nodded, “I know, Char, but my mom’s been doing whatever she can, just like she promised John she would. Ash, too,” Charlie looked at Jo with a surprised face. “Hey, don’t look so shocked! The kid’s a weird one, but he cares about Dean.”

“Don’t we all,” Charlie said sadly, and Jo nodded again.

I had been listening in the whole time, and I decided that maybe, my life isn’t so bad.

Twenty minutes later, Charlie parked the car in a garage, and Jo grabbed my hand and we all went out to the street. The air was warmer here, the lights were brighter and the people were all strangers, but that was okay.

“The restaurant is a few blocks away from here, so we should make a reservation and then walk around for a bit, no?” Jo looked at Charlie for an answer, and her cheeks were bright red when she realized that Charlie wasn’t listening, rather she was staring straight ahead. “Charlie?”

I looked besides me at Charlie, who seemed to be in some sort of zone, and looked at Jo, who had a confused look on her face, “Charlie? Earth to Charlie,” I said, and she snapped her head up and shook it slightly.

“Uh- I, um,” she was flustered. “Sorry, just blanked out for a moment, chill.” Jo cleared her throat, and Charlie looked confused. “Wha- oh! Um, yeah that sounds like a plan.”

So we walked straight ahead and I turned back, looking in the direction Charlie was only to find a girl across the street, staring at Charlie’s back. I looked in my direction and saw Jo looking down at her phone, so I tapped on Charlie’s shoulder. She turned around, and mouthed the words ‘I’ll tell you after.’ I nodded, and we continued to walk.

We didn’t need to make reservations at the restaurant, because it was a Wednesday night and the place wasn’t too busy. It was beautiful; the restaurant was on a second floor, and overlooked the Bay directly next to the city. The sun was still setting, but lights reflected off the water and the view was beautiful. The restaurant itself was nice; the lights were dimmed and the windows were huge, so everything felt very natural. Soft music played lightly, and the clink of glasses and light conversation filled the room with life.

We sat down near a window, and suddenly I realized I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt in a restaurant like this. The back of my neck and my cheeks began to burn red with embarrassment, until I looked at Charlie with her Spock t-shirt and Jo in her jeans and leather jacket and I felt okay.

“Not that I do not like being here with you,” I began, and Charlie and Jo looked up from the menu, “but why are we here? In the city?” I asked. The girls looked at each other and back at me again. “Also, why am I in a fancy restaurant where I am underdressed and wearing a t-shirt?”

Charlie looked at me with a strange look, and Jo chuckled and looked back down at the menu, clearly amused.

‘Why not?”

“What does that even mea-”  
“I’m serious, Cas, why not?” Charlie crossed her arms and looked directly into my eyes. “No one is stopping us, so why not?”

I looked at Jo, who didn’t even bother to look up and react, and Charlie sighed. “Cas, we don’t know much about you,” my heart started beating fast. “But, if you’re our friend, you gotta understand that life sometimes needs spontaneity,” she smirked at this, “and going out to fancy restaurants in jeans and taking a trip to the city on a Wednesday night? That’s spontaneity, kiddo.”

“Romantics, then,” I remarked.

“No, not romantics,” Jo chirped. “Just different.”

“No need for the sideways look, Cas,” Charlie said, and I realized my head was tilted with my confusion. “Just get it. We’re different, we need to get out of that town sometimes,” Charlie said with a sad face. “It’s great an’ all, but you get sucked in.”

Jo put her menu down and looked at me, “We just… we don’t want you to get sucked in, Cassie.” I was confused again. I didn’t understand this; why would I get sucked in? The town is nothing like my old town. I felt home.

“It’s all good, Cas. We’re simply saying that we care, and we want you to be able to leave when you need to,” Charlie said. “It’s fine if you don’t get it,” Jo nodded her head at this.

“You will one day, if you stay long enough.” Jo looked down sadly, “You feel like you’re in a bubble. And, sometimes coming to the city and being different is a good way to remember that there’s a real world out there.”

“I… I like the bubble,” I admitted. It was true, though. I never felt more home, even if I was a stranger to everyone, I felt safe. Sure, there’s a real world, but if I’m there, then life becomes rough. “Why can’t I for once, just once… be in a bubble and escape the real world. It’s not-”

“Hello, I’m Tessa.” The waitress interrupted, “I’m gonna be your waitress for t’night. Can I get your orders or do you need a few minutes?”

“A few minutes, yeah,” Jo said. “But, can we get three waters for the table?” The waitress nodded, and walked away.

“I just, I want to stay in town. I like it, I feel home. And, yes, I am a stranger and no one knows me, but I’m okay with that,” I paused. “But, where I came from-Boston -my dad was an asshole who didn’t accept who I am, and I had to leave. I- thank you, guys. I know you’re doing it because you think I’m a loser who doesn’t have friends, but I’m okay.” I breathed.

Jo and Charlie were quiet. They looked at me with confused looks, and Jo sighed. “Cas… we don’t think any of that. And-and thank you, for opening up.”

“We just don’t want you in too deep, okay?” Charlie said softly, and I nodded with a smile. “What’re you smilin’ about?”

“You guys act like were in some sort of dramatic movie about some little town with a killer,” I retorted. Charlie and Jo were shocked at my honesty, and I couldn’t blame them. I realize that I had nothing to lose, being here. I wouldn’t talk more of my past, but this is the present, and I want to be happy. I want to be happy- but I want to be myself. “I mean- ‘don’t get stuck in the bubble’?”

“Shut the fuck up, Cas,” Jo laughed. “We’re awesome!” Charlie laughed and I laughed, but I agreed. They were my friends, and they cared, and I felt okay.

“Yeah, Cassie, we gotta make sure you don’t Spock your way through town!” Charlie exclaimed, and Jo cackled.

“What does that even mean?” I shook my head, laughing. Charlie paused and tilted her head to the side. “Wha-”

“I-I don’t understand, I’m not gay Charlie,” Charlie had a deep voice and squinted her eyes. Jo practically spit her water on the table from laughing. 

“Yeah, just cos I’m denying it doesn’t mean I like Katy Perry, Jo,” Jo had her head tilted, a deep, gravely voice and her eyes were squinted. “What does ‘this is how we do mean,’ Jo? This is how we do what, Jo? I don’t understand.”

“I still don’t understand that, though,” I laughed and admitted. “What are we doing, and why is this why we do it,” I said, and Charlie’s face was red from laughing. Jo couldn’t keep a straight face. “You all imitate me, but I know I make you laugh, so clearly I’m doing something right.”

“We’re just messin’ with you Cassie,” Jo laughed and ruffled my hair. “And, for all ya know, there could be a killer in this town and maybe we are protecting you,” Jo exclaimed.

“Jo, if there was any killer in the Cape May, there is no doubt in anyone’s mind that it would you,” Charlie retorted, and smirked.

“How dare you!” Jo gasped in disbelief, and laughed. “What makes you say that-”

“Joanna, you own nun-chucks,” I deadpanned, and Charlie cackled, and Jo chucked a breadstick in my direction as I laughed. 

"Y'all pretend that you're not scared of my nun-chucks," Jo said, "but wait until Halloween, then you'll be terrified." I laughed harder, and Charlie snorted laughing which made Jo turn red. "Speakin' of, Cas, you're coming to our Halloween party- and no, you don't have a choice."

"I didn't think I did, Jo," I admitted, and Jo and Charlie laughed. 

I haven't had many nights in my life, but this was my best one yet.


	4. a force he wants to reckon with

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again and I literally apologize for being a complete asshole and never posting.

"CAS I AM HERE TO SAVE YOU FROM EXSESSIVE BOREDOM."

I look up from my book, mid-bite of an apple and see Charlie standing at the door of the library- well more like nearly breaking the door of the library. 

"Charlie what are you-"

"Relax, young Jedi, I am here. Do not worry, my child," Charlie dramatically walks toward the counter. 

"Charlie you don't even watch Star Wars," I said, and she gave me a dirty look. 

"It was a spur-of-the-moment reference, one of which I dreadfully regret." Charlie prances around my counter. "I came because I can already smell the old lady aroma from you, and that's not even the worst of it!"

"The worst of what, Charlotte?"

"YOU STAYED HOME LAST NIGHT READING-READING, I MIGHT ADD, AN ACTUAL BOOK AND NOT STEVE/BUCKY FANFICTION."

"Charlie, calm down! I was just-"

"Listen if it was Steve/Bucky fan fiction I would understand, but you ditched Jo and I for a damn book- a BOOK," Charlie exclaims. "Cassie-O, you are getting old."

"Charlie, would you stop being so dramatic," I said, as she gasps and throws her hands in the air dramatically. "Charlie-"

"THIS PLACE IS CORRUPTING YOU."

Charlie begins pacing, "I will not allow you to sit here and wallow in self-pity as you slowly become a grandma." She points dramatically at me, "YOU!"

"Yes Charlie?"

"I know, I KNOW, what you need!" she jumps excitedly. 

"Yes Charlie?"

"I know, I am so smart- I just KNOW exactly what you need!" 

"What is it Charlie?" 

"A SUGAR DADDY."

"Charlie!" I exclaim, as a child and their mother pass by the main entrance of the library into the children's section of the library.

"A steamy, hot, delicious hunk of beauty- a daddy," Charlie continues, completely oblivious to my face- which most definitely has a look of pure confusion. 

"Cassie-O, darling, you need a sugar daddy."

"Charlie go bother Jo instead of me," I look back down at my book. 

"But I'm so booooooored," she draws out the O's in the word and she plops her arms down on the counter, following her head. 

"Jo will entertain you, she has nun-chucks," I say. 

"I already went to Jo, she kicked me out after 20 minutes of me ranting about how The West Wing should come back."

"I don't blame her."

"BARTLET FOR AMERICA, BITCHES!"

"Charlie!"

"The show deserved so much more than seven seasons, Cassie! It was beautiful, wonderful and absolutely-"

"You have a crush on C.J. Cregg, don't you?" 

"YES."

A pause. 

"Go bother Jo, Charlotte," I flip the page in my book. 

"You suck."

***

Life working in the library was fun- depending on your definition of fun. Nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed working at the library, being surrounded by books- despite how Charlie characterizes it. 

Amara, the main librarian, works six days out of the week from beginning to end of the day. She always has a dark look on her face, one that gives off a hint of a dark, haunting past. She smiles- and she does a lot, and it's as if all of her past disappears. She never says much of it, but her past was tainted with her bad relationship with her older brother- I think his name is Chuck. She says they grew up together but one day, he decided he needed more. And then she had no one- they never knew their parents. 

She and I got along quite well. Some days she would work in the back, preferring to be alone and to deal with the books. On those days, I came in and worked the main desk, a long, wooden counter covered in tattered books and bookmarks. 

The library wasn't your usual public library. It was small, divided into two sections, with the main entrance and hall being at the front door, where the main desk was. The walls were wood, a dark, dull brown nearly reaching 14 feet. The sections of the library were simple- children, and any that wasn't children. 

The children's section was definitely the brighter section, with the walls lined with books. There are a few rows of shelves, all stuffed with books, and behind the shelves, is a little section with a dark blue rug covering the wooden floor. Big, fluffy pillows cover two couches, and on the floor were toys and books. Children would sit for hours together, classes would come and visit the library and kids would never want to leave. 

The other section, which Amara and I call the "Everything Else" section, had rows upon rows of shelves. A few tables were set up in between shelves, and they were covered with books. The walls were literally all shelves, except for one big window, stretching from two feet from the ground, to practically the ceiling. 

Overall, the library was literally one big book, and I loved every little part of it. 

During the week, the library was quiet. People came in and out, working at the tables and roaming the shelves quietly. The children's section was basically empty, with the library's being open essentially during school hours only. It was quiet, but it was comfy. I sat at the desk, with Amara in the back and I read a book, helping anyone who needed anything, and never feeling anything but... content. 

A few hours pass after Charlie leaves, and a few people walk in and out of the library. Lunch had come and gone, and I sat in my chair at the desk and read. Nothing had changed. Well...

"Hi, I'm sorry to bother you but I was- Castiel?" a voice in front of me had asked. 

I look up and I see green eyes staring right at me. Dean. 

"Hi, it's no bother- what can I help you with?" I ask, following protocol, or as Amara calls it- "be human, Cas, don't scare people." 

"I- uh, hi," Dean continued staring at me, with a smile on his face. He almost looked as if he was blushing. I didn't understand. 

"Hi."

"I was- um, this may sound weird," Dean starts. "I've literally haven't been to a library in like four years, and I kind of don't know what I'm doing," he chuckles. 

I smile politely, as I'm told to do. 

"I'm, well, Bobby, my boss, is looking for a specific book and he shoved me out the door and told me to go to, and I quote, 'the dumb-ass book borrowing place, which I don't get why they don't sell the damn books.'"

I chuckled, wondering what this Bobby looks like. "I was wondering if you could point me to the mechanics and technology section- assuming there is one, I hope?" Dean finished. 

"Yes, there is. Hold on a moment," I said, and I walked to the back where Amara was sitting. She sat at the desk, typing on the laptop and angrily squinting at her phone. 

"This stupid line won't stop- oh, hello, Cas," she stops, looking up at me. 

"Amara, I'm helping out someone in front and I need to step away from the desk for a moment."

"Cas, fifty people walk in the library on Tuesday afternoons, I highly doubt you need me at the desk while you help someone for a few minutes," she says, as-a-matter-of-factly. 

"Right."

"You seem nervous, are you alright?" Amara asks, eyeing my slightly shaking hands. 

"Yes, I am fine, I'll be in the back sections if you need me," I say, and I nod and walk back up to the front. 

"Dean, follow me," I say, and I start walking and talking. "Our technology and mechanics section is quite limited in comparison to the rest of our sections, but nevertheless," I turn and start walking to the aisle of shelves in the back. "We have some books, and I'm sure we have the book that this, um, Bobby, is looking for."

I turn down the aisle, and Dean is right behind me. I stop in front of the section, and look at him. 

"So you work everywhere huh? I don't suppose I show up at the diner to get a burger and see you there, too?" Dean asks. 

"If you're referring to me working at the market as well as here," I start, immediately regretting my sentence. Of course he is referring to that, what else could he be referring to?! "Then, no. I only work here and at the market," I say with a small smile. 

To be honest, I'm too scared to look into Dean's eyes. I keep trying, but I keep my eyes on the floor for safety. 

"That's cool, man. The Harvelle's are great, like a second family to me, to be honest," Dean says. I look up to see him smiling. 

"They are good people," I say, and Dean nods and starts looking at the shelves. 

"Are the burgers any good?"

SHIT. CASTIEL. WHY WOULD YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH. No. No. No. 

This is embarrassing I can feel the side of my neck starting to get red. 

I am so dumb. 

"Yeah, man. They're great!" Dean is crouching, but he looks up at me as he talks. "Benny, the owner, has the hands of a fuckin' Iron Chef, man." Dean looks back at the shelf, and grabs a big, heavy white book out. "I got it!"

"Great, come up front and I'll check you out," I say. 

That's not the only thing you're checking out, Castiel, I hear myself say in the back of my head. 

Shut up, I say back. 

Dean grins and follows me as I walk back up to the desk. I stand behind the counter and Dean hands me Bobby's card, and I check it out. 

"Alright, let Bobby know he has two weeks with the book, and he can call in any time to renew it if he wants or needs to," I say, handing the card back to Dean. 

"Thank you so much, Cas," Dean says. He turns but then pauses, looking back at me. "You should check out the diner, tell Benny I sent you, he'll fix you right up."

I pause. 

"Yeah, maybe I will," I say, and Dean turns and walks out the door. 

Damn right I will. 

**

I walk out the library after my shift, and begin walking down the block toward the market. The air was quite warm, even during this time of the year. The sun had already begun setting, and the sky was a light pink. It almost felt as if the sun was dying. 

I walked forward, one foot in front of the other, looking up at the sky. 

From all that I had heard about Dean, he didn't seem to be what Charlie and Jo say about him. He seemed confident, even if he was a little shy. He knew people wanted to talk to him, he knew he had people's attention. 

It wasn't hard to give the man attention, he was quite... well, gorgeous. Anyone would say it, anyone with two eyes. 

His eyes, though. They were striking, they were a bright green, almost hypnotic. 

Damn, I was being dramatic. I could hear Charlie and Jo laughing at my pathetic words. 

No doubt, I could not stop thinking about him. I nearly bumped into Amara on the way out of the library building, and she had a huge pile of books in her hand. Needless to say, she was quite unhappy. 

Nevertheless, I crossed the street and walked directly into the market, where Jo was sitting on the floor across from Charlie, with a bottle in the middle of them. They were practically sitting at the entrance of the market. 

"What are you two doing?" I ask. 

"Good damn question, Cas!" I hear Ellen yell from the back. I hear footsteps and Ellen appears, basket of apples in hand. "Tryna ruin m' damn business, that's what they're doing."

"Mother, we are playing spin the bottle," Jo starts. 

"Whomever it lands on, drinks from it," Charlie finishes. I look closely and see it's a bottle of wine. 

"Get the hell out of my damn market, you idiots!" Ellen exclaims, and the three of us start laughing. Ellen sighs and walks back to the back room with her basket of apples. Charlie grabs the bottle and pops up in front of me. 

"Hey sugar daddy!" she exclaims and hands me the bottle. I gingerly take it from her hands. 

"I thought I needed a sugar daddy, now I am one myself?" I ask, as I open the bottle, and then I take a sip. 

"I defy logic, my friend," Charlie responds, and plops down on the floor next to Jo. 

"There are plenty of eligible sugar daddies in this town, Cassie," Jo says with a smile. "They would leave their raggidy old wives in a heart beat for a night in town with your pretty face," she cackles. 

"You're gross when you're drunk," I say, and I sit down on the floor with my legs crossed, in front of them. 

"Seriously, Cassie-O, tons of cute guys around here. Some come down for a weekend, you could hook up and never see 'em again," Jo continues, ignoring what I said. Charlie nods in agreement. 

"Lots of them, my young Padawan," she grabs the bottle from my hand. 

"What's with the Star Wars references today, Charlotte?" I ask with a smirk, and she flips me the bird. 

"I want to go to my apartment and eat pizza and watch Captain America, let's go," Charlie says, and Jo cheers. 

"I met Dean today."

Charlie and Jo look at each other and look at me, and back at each other. 

"Well, I had met him before- here, but he came into the library a little while after you," I look at Charlie, "left, and I was-"

"Cas, no."

"What? I didn't say anything!" I exclaim. 

"A force not to be reckoned with, Young Skywalker," Charlie says, and she gets up and pulls Jo with her. "Come on, let's go watch Bucky and Steve pine after each other like sad little gay boys," she says, changing the subject. 

I went with them, obviously. But as we watched the movie, I couldn't help but think about green eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the Cassie-O thing is a reference to a song by George Ezra, which I now cannot get out of my head. 
> 
> And yes, they all ship Steve/Bucky because who the fuck doesn't. 
> 
> also I highly recommend watching The West Wing, but for the reference, C.J. Cregg is the awesome White House Press Secratary during the administration for President Josiah Bartlet and it's basically the awesomest show ever you should watch it go watch it now ok. 
> 
> Yes Amara is in this I couldn't think of a character at the moment and I had just watched the season 11 finale so yeah. And the sky reference along with the sun dying was a hiNT IN CASE U DIDNT REALIze. 
> 
> ok maybe I'll post soon bye bye.


	5. the universe likes to interfere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and now, after 9000 words in Castiel's voice, we will see what Dean Winchester has to say.

I didn't mean to continuously think about Castiel. I really didn't. 

And it wasn't even in a "dude I'm in love with you" kind of way. Man, even saying that kinda sounds gay. 

What I mean to say is, I didn't mean to continuously think about him, but I did, because my entire life, I had never seen a person like him before. 

This whole not-sounding-gay thing is not working for me. 

I like to think of my life as an accidental tragedy- more downs than ups, more punches than hugs, yada yada yada. It sounds like a dumbass Shakespeare play, or a sad book those weird middle aged soccer moms read as they sip their wine and shit. It's typical, but in a way that sounds not-so-typical. 

None of it makes sense. 

Sam had left to college a few months ago, and it definitely has been more quiet in the parts of my life that were outside my brain- all I hear on a daily basis is grunting from Bobby and the frequent, typically expected string of curses that follow a crash from the other room. Dad was a drunk, mom was dead. Once again, yada yada yada. 

What can I say, I live a classy life. (note my sarcasm.)

But, when I walked into the market, which I had assumed to be a normal, safe, not-filled-with-cute-boys place, but of course, the Universe threw that assumption in the garbage, along with all my damn chill. 

God, I need a fucking drink. 

Anyways, I saw Castiel and my dumb ass, of course, had to say a stupid, dumb thing and butt into everything I saw. But, of course, it doesn't stop there, does it, Universe? 

Because weeks upon weeks later, I saw him again. His shockingly blue eyes and his lips- God those lips like are you fucking kidding me! 

Oh God I sound so gay. 

And dude, I'm fine with that, I came to terms with it man, and it's whatever and shit. But I am a semi-alcoholic mechanic who lives in his boss's basement, and until very recently, had lived with a not-so-semi alcoholic who happened to think any dude in their right mind HAS to be a macho manly man with an obsession for boobs. He also threw some punches at my face on many occasions, but that's besides the point.

But hey man, boobs are great, I can't deny it, no one can! 

But, as I was saying- he wasn't like any person I had seen before. He looks at you as if he expects the worst to happen, and yet he seems to be almost nauseatingly nice. "I have him all figured out," I like to say to myself, despite the fact that I know it's a lie. 

But in case you were wondering, I have no fucking clue why I can't get the guy out of my head. Even when I'm working, I see the library book that I had gotten for Bobby sitting on the desk and I spiral down into thoughts of a literal stranger. A fucking stranger. 

A hot one, but that's besides the point. 

God, I really really need a drink. 

***

Singer's Auto Repair Shop is what I would like to call home. My dumb ass of course never graduated high school, and when my dad died, and Sammy moved to California, Bobby finally let me start working full time. 

The garage is where I spend most of my time, even on cold and irritatingly hot days. November, although normally cold, was actually a big blob of I-don't-know-if-I-should-wear-a-coat-or-a-fucking-tshirt. Even working in the garage, I always felt the urge to take off my shirt (and yes I slightly resembled a porn star but that's besides the point), and at one point I did, and Bobby walked out to the garage and looked at me and walked back in. Needless to say, we get along great. 

Working in the repair shop had its perks. For one thing, I actually knew what I was fucking doing most of the time, which is more than I can say about everything else in this damn Universe (still haven't gotten my chill back, I'm waiting on it.) Also, Bobby and I were... in sync? We left each other alone, worked together when we needed to, and knew when it was appropriate to drink on the job (it might be needed to say that our idea of when it's appropriate would not meet most people's approval, but fuck that.) And also, money. 

I always send Sam money, of course, because I don't give a shit what he says I'm gonna do it and he has to stop being a bitch. But since I don't feed myself, for the most part (Bobby and I order in a lot), I have extra cash on me and I have a place to live without paying. 

Of course I want to shove all the money back at Bobby, because the man is already giving me a damn job, food and a place to live. But he just smacks me on the side of my head and calls me a dumbass, so what can I do?

All in all, my life isn't bad. Of course, if you ask Charlie or Jo or Ash, they'll say I keep digging myself into a hole with all the alcohol I drink. But I give them the middle finger and down another cup, because fuck the Universe, that's why. 

I'm not having a lame identity crisis, I work, eat and sleep, and I'm not dead from drinking alcohol ("Yet," Charlie adds, when I say this in response to their pestering, and I throw a pretzel at her head because fuck the Universe again, that's why.) 

I see it in Bobby's eyes whenever I sit across from him at the so-called dinner table in his house. I see it, this look of pity but also of regret. Maybe it's regret for not firing me, or rejecting me a place to live? Maybe it's regret for ever knowing John Winchester, which eventually lead to knowing me?

Whatever it was, I look past him at the desk behind him, at a picture of me and Sammy, and I remember why I am who I am and why everything is the way it is. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is kind of short and not really very telling, but I wanted a break from Cas's voice and I thought it would be cool to divulge into Dean's mind. 
> 
> Don't worry, though, because both these young men still have a lot of pining to do. :)))))))))


	6. so vanilla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so I'm kind of upset because I was in the middle of writing this chapter and it fucking crashed and I lost it and it was so so so good. anyways, enjoy Cas, Charlie and Jo being goofballs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get ready for a lot of FRIENDS references, and a hint of Meg.

The main difference, I find, in Cape May and Boston, is the sky. 

It was odd walking home each day from work and looking up at the sky. 

With winter well on its way, the sky was no longer pink, but rather a dull, stormy grey, resembling what reminded me of old, cracked concrete. The clouds in the sky were not wispy and clean, but rather full, looming and ever-present. Blue occasionally peeked out, mostly hidden in the crevices, too lazy to bother try to overpower the fullness that are the clouds in Cape May. 

I often found myself looking up to the sky on the way back, and despite knowing that this feeling of... overwhelming-ness and emptiness and loneliness, would come along, I would still look up as I walked on the sidewalks on the streets of Cape May. It was like nothing I've ever experienced. 

In Boston, rather than seeing the sky, any passerby would look up to see tall, lurching buildings, resembling power and authority. These buildings were often times old, and had a history that no one, not even I, could deny. 

Looking up in Cape May, all I saw was the sky. A fresh, dark, new sky. One that wasn't ridden with history, one that didn't come with baggage. These skies didn't belong to anyone, they belonged to the Universe. 

While walking home one day, on a particularly cold November evening, I looked up to the sky. I felt something different. 

I felt doom. 

Because I was no longer under the Universe's sky. I was under the same sky as my father, as my old Pastor, as the kids I went to high school with, as Balthazar. 

I realize now that no matter how close or far I could be from Boston, I couldn't escape history. I couldn't deny that I was under the same sky as my past, as the people who I resent. 

I could not escape my past. 

Nausea riddled my stomach, my entire body. My palms were sweaty, and my knees began to shake. My body began to give out from under me. 

I couldn't escape him. 

I felt the concrete, the small pebbles and the remenants of the summer sand press harshly against the palms of my hands as I nearly collapsed on the curb. My eyes, I couldn't see straight. 

I can't ever escape it. 

"Cas?" 

I hear a voice, a wisp of smoke from another Universe, a distant world from where I was. 

"Cas? Wha- are you okay, Cas I..."

My brain couldn't focus. 

"Cas!" 

I snapped back. 

"Cassie... Cas, it's me, it's Jo," I looked up from the ground and saw Jo with a concerned, desperate look on her face. "Cas, I'm here, I'm right here." I felt her beside me, suddenly. A grip on my arm brought me to the present. 

"Jo."

"Yes, I'm here." 

"Jo, what happened?"

"Good question- I have no idea how to answer it, but good question."

I looked beside me and saw Jo looking at me, into my eyes, looking for a response, a sign of... a sign of okay-ness, for lack of better words. 

"I was walking to pick you up when I looked on the other side of the street and saw you on the curb," Jo says. "You looked... scared, helpless." 

"I'm fine now," I lie. 

"Cas."

"Okay, I'm not fine," I admit. "But I could go for a burger right about now."

***

"Casssssss."

"No."

"Come on! If I had known that the chocolate milkshake was better than the vanilla milkshake, we wouldn't be in this situation right now," Jo says, as-matter-of-factly. "I've been coming here since I was in the womb, I've always had vanilla, and now I regret my entire life."

"No."

"You're such... you're so," Jo groans. "You're so vanilla," she retorts. 

"Is that your idea of a good insult?" I ask, as a smile around my straw, sipping on my chocolate milkshake. 

"Shut the fuck up, Spock."

"I'm the one with the better milkshake!" I retort. 

"I hope your milkshake spills on your pants, and your burger is served to you raw, with a side of poisonous French fries," Jo screeches. 

"Are you doubting the cooking skills of the famous Benny?" I ask, innocently. 

"Shut the fuck up," Jo responds, and flicks her straw at me, splattering me with vanilla milkshake. 

"It's not my fault I'm so vanilla," I say. 

"You're gross," she flicks more milkshake at my face. 

"Now I'm regretting my entire life," I dead pan. 

The waitress practically floats over, holding two plates practically overflowing with fries, and topped with a huge, stuffed with love burger. It was... magnificent, marvelous, wonderful, beautiful-

"I think Cas just nutted."

"JO!"

"Here you are sweetie," the waitress puts the plate in front of me after practically dumping Jo's plate in front of her. She bends down, unashamed of her chest being almost in my face, and grabs the ketchup bottle from the other side of the table. "My names Meg, let me know if you need anything, hot stuff," she purrs, and stands back up straight. 

"Thank you Meg, you're too kind," Jo replies in a sickeningly sweet voice, and Meg scowls and saunters away. 

"How come I have all the luck with the opposite gender, the gender I don't find attractive!" I exclaim. Jo laughs, and grabs the ketchup bottle and squeezes it all over her fries. 

"Story of my damn life."

"Jo, that guy Adam from the other day at the café literally threw himself at you," I say. 

"And I have his number for safe keeping, now eat your stupid burger, hot stuff," she replies as she winks and then wiggles her eyebrows. I throw a fry at her face, and she flips me the bird. 

"You're so mean."

"Ah, Cas. You love me," Jo brushes off my fake hurting. And it was true, I did. She was the best friend I ever had. 

***

Charlie had her legs thrown on top of mine, and Jo had her head in Charlie's lap, with her legs lazily hanging off the end of my couch. It wasn't often that we found ourselves at my place, but we were here, watching FRIENDS on Charlie's laptop, which sat on the coffee table a few feet away. 

"Yo, you think that the cast of FRIENDS all secretly hated each other?" Charlie asks, twirling Jo's hair in her fingers. 

"Dude, it's a miracle the three of us all like each other, so it's highly unlikely that all six of them all liked each other," Jo responds. "There had to be some sort of rivalry.

"Yeah, but not between Matt le Blanc and the woman who plays Phoebe, because they had to be best friends, for sure," I commented. 

Charlie pondered for a moment, and said, "Fine, I concede that, but Jennifer Aniston had to have hated the chick who plays Monica, it's just logic."

"Dude, everyone hates Monica," Jo says. 

"No, I love her!" I exclaim, and Jo and Charlie look at me with the most bewildered faces I'd ever seen. "She's organized, efficient and funny- and she's a good friend!"

"She's a total nut job, and Chandler could've done better," Jo replies, and Charlie nods in agreement. 

"Whatever, you two just can't appreciate a good character," I say, rolling my eyes. 

A few minutes pass, and the laugh track is ringing in my ears. 

"Dude, what kind of name is le Blanc?" 

Jo and I crack up laughing. 

"No, but really," Charlie throws her hands up, "like we get it! You're white! And like 12.8% of your ancestry is from France!" 

"Charlotte, that's racist against white people," I say sarcastically. 

"That was the most disgusting thing I've ever heard you say, Cas," Charlie replies, fake disgust. "I don't wanna ever say I had known you after this."

"I'm cringing from both you," Jo says, and Charlie flicks her nose in response. "Hey! You're so annoying!"

"Alright children, calm down," I say, and Charlie and Jo both whack me in the arm. "I don't deserve this bullying," I say, wiping away a faux tear. 

"Hey Cas?"

"Yeah?"

"You're Ross," Charlie says, and Jo laughs in agreement. "And Jo, you're obviously Joey."

"No! Just because we have similar names, doesn't mean that were the same!" Jo insists, and Charlie cracks up. "Let's be real, Cas is totally Joey, especially with his love for food."

"Yeah, but Joey is stupid, and I'm not," I respond.

"Aw, you keep telling yourself that," Charlie says, and I push her legs off me. "Hey! I was comfortable!" she exclaims, and throws her legs back on me. 

"Lowkey, Jo is Chandler."

"Yes, because I'm hopeless and desperate for love," Jo dead pans, and Charlie and I crack up. "But I marry a chef, so fuck you all!"

The next episode had started, and the theme song starts playing, and Charlie starts singing: "SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS GAY," clap clap clap. "YOUR JOBS A JOKE, YOURE BROKE, YOU WATCH GAY PORN ALL DAAAAAY."

"Charlie, it was funny the first time and endearing the second time, but it's the seventh time and it's not even slightly cute now," Jo says, and Charlie flips her the bird. We watch the show for a few moments, finally getting into a comfortable silence.

"Don't you have to not be broke to watch gay porn?"

I look down at Jo.

"No but really, that shits expensive," Jo continues. 

"How would you know, Joanna?" I ask, wiggling my eyebrows. 

"I opened your laptop the other day and saw your bill."

Charlie had to get up after laughing so hard when she had seen my face turn a bright shade of red. 

"I do not watch porn, guys," I complain. "Stop laughing!" Charlie was wiping tears from her eyes, and Jo was sitting comfortably, smirking contently at the mess she made. 

"Aw, Cassie, it's okay," Charlie says. 

"Yeah Cas, as long as you use protection- oh wait," Jo pauses dramatically. "You don't need protection, do you?" and I threw a pillow at Jo and bury my face in my hands, trying to hide the red that I couldn't stop from coming. 

"Yeah, it's okay, it's all coming out now, Cas," Charlie jokes. 

"Ha, very punny," I retort, and Charlie and Jo laugh again. "I hate you both." They both tackle me on the couch, and five minutes later, we're back in our old positions on the couch, watching the show again. 

Twenty minutes later, we all had fallen asleep, only to be woken up at 3 am to reposition ourselves. It was the first night I had ever slept without waking up screaming.


End file.
